Leave the .243 for the experts that can put the bullet on the money every time. Mines uses a 7mm08 with a 130gr HotCor and a minimum load of H4895. Not much recoil to speak of and a dead on hold out to 200 yards. However, she uses it when she leaves me at home to watch the kids while she hunts by herself, too. Kinda want to keep that possibility in mind before you get her into it. She just might like it as much or more than you do.
So basically what you're saying is that caliber is now a substitution for skill???? Right behind the shoulder blade, if you can't make that in any caliber let the deer walk. Granted 243 is minumum, but still PLENTY enough bang to bring down any deer in the state of Georgia. We have small deeer down here, nothing that necessarily requires heavier loads. Take time to get proficcient with a rifle and you'll drop deer with any caliber.