What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!
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I need new jokes…
- Thread starter geezer
- Start date
Where do you learn all about ice cream? Sundae school.
Two cannibals were eating a crown, one cannibal said to the other, does this meat taste funny to you?
Three guys meet at the pub every Friday night. One Friday night, they all get extremely intoxicated, much more than usual.
The next Friday, they all meet again. The first guy said "You know last week, I got so drunk, as soon as I got home, I blew chunks all over the house."
The second guy said "That's bad, but you know that new truck I was showing you? I was so drunk, that on the way home, I hit a power pole and totaled it AND got a DUI."
The third guy said "That all sounds really bad, but y'all have nothing on me. When I got home, my wife had lit candles all over the house, and a hot bath drawn......... ready for a night of love. I was SO drunk, we got into a huge fight, I knocked over a candle and burned my house down to the ground."
The first guy said "I don't think y'all understand, Chunks is my dog."
The next Friday, they all meet again. The first guy said "You know last week, I got so drunk, as soon as I got home, I blew chunks all over the house."
The second guy said "That's bad, but you know that new truck I was showing you? I was so drunk, that on the way home, I hit a power pole and totaled it AND got a DUI."
The third guy said "That all sounds really bad, but y'all have nothing on me. When I got home, my wife had lit candles all over the house, and a hot bath drawn......... ready for a night of love. I was SO drunk, we got into a huge fight, I knocked over a candle and burned my house down to the ground."
The first guy said "I don't think y'all understand, Chunks is my dog."
A guy from the city was sick of the corporate life and living in urban America, so he bought a 200 acre parcel in the mountains of West Virginia.
As far as he could tell there weren’t any neighbors close enough to give him any trouble and he was happy about that.
Did get a little lonely at times.
One day a old beat up truck came rolling in the drive and skidded to a stop. Out popped middle-age scruffy guy wearing overalls that were dirty and dusty and said that he was a neighbor wanted to stop and say Hey!
After they exchanged pleasantries for a while over a drink, the neighbor said I’d like to invite you to a party at my house next Saturday night.
He said before you answer yes or no, I want to let you know that there’s probably gonna be a lot of drinking, and some swearing, and some fighting, and probably some sex going on!
The guy thought about it for a minute and said what the hell that sounds good to me!
What time do you want me to come and oh by the way, What should I wear?
The neighbor never hesitated, he said you can come anytime after 5:00 and I don’t care what you wear,…..
it’s just gonna be the two of us.
As far as he could tell there weren’t any neighbors close enough to give him any trouble and he was happy about that.
Did get a little lonely at times.
One day a old beat up truck came rolling in the drive and skidded to a stop. Out popped middle-age scruffy guy wearing overalls that were dirty and dusty and said that he was a neighbor wanted to stop and say Hey!
After they exchanged pleasantries for a while over a drink, the neighbor said I’d like to invite you to a party at my house next Saturday night.
He said before you answer yes or no, I want to let you know that there’s probably gonna be a lot of drinking, and some swearing, and some fighting, and probably some sex going on!
The guy thought about it for a minute and said what the hell that sounds good to me!
What time do you want me to come and oh by the way, What should I wear?
The neighbor never hesitated, he said you can come anytime after 5:00 and I don’t care what you wear,…..
it’s just gonna be the two of us.
Clown. It's eating a CLOWN
Four men met to play a round of golf one fall day.
The first golfer told his friends that he almost didn't make it because his wife was giving him grief. He told her he'd take her to dinner.
The second golfer said, that's nothing. I've got to take mine to dinner and a musical.
The third golfer said, that's all? Not only do I have to take her to a dinner and a show, but I've got to buy her a diamond necklace too.
Then the three look at the fourth, because they all knew his wife required the highest maintenance of all.
He said "What?"
They asked what it was going to cost him, with much anticipation.
The fourth replied "Nothing"
The other three demand how he did that?
He said I rolled over this morning, cuddled up, and said "Sex or golf?"
She said wear a sweater, it's cool out.
The first golfer told his friends that he almost didn't make it because his wife was giving him grief. He told her he'd take her to dinner.
The second golfer said, that's nothing. I've got to take mine to dinner and a musical.
The third golfer said, that's all? Not only do I have to take her to a dinner and a show, but I've got to buy her a diamond necklace too.
Then the three look at the fourth, because they all knew his wife required the highest maintenance of all.
He said "What?"
They asked what it was going to cost him, with much anticipation.
The fourth replied "Nothing"
The other three demand how he did that?
He said I rolled over this morning, cuddled up, and said "Sex or golf?"
She said wear a sweater, it's cool out.
I heard they raised the drinking age to 35 in Alabama.
They’re trying to keep the high school kids out of the bars.
They’re trying to keep the high school kids out of the bars.
