Any car excorcists here?!?!?!

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Is the starter dragging/slower than usual?
Before starting, when the key is turned to the on position, are headlights/dash lights all at normal brightness?
 
That would be a negative. They dim.

Sounds like it could be a bad alternator. When the alternator isn't working the car only runs as long as the battery can power it. That may be why it dies when you turn on the lights. If you can get the alternator off places like Autozone can test it for you. For your own test, if you swap in a fresh battery (which you may need to buy anyway) it should start and run without issue (until the battery charge is gone).
 
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Sounds like it could be a bad alternator. When the alternator isn't working the car only runs as long as the battery can power it. That may be why it dies when you turn on the lights. If you can get the alternator off places like Autozone can test it for you. For your own test, if you swap in a fresh battery (which you may need to buy anyway) it should start and run without issue (until the battery charge is gone).

I just put a new battery in maybe 3 weeks ago. I'll be ticked if it was the alternator instead.
 
I just put a new battery in maybe 3 weeks ago. I'll be ticked if it was the alternator instead.

It ain't the alternator. It's a bad ground or a shorted wires at the computer. Maybe the headlight wire is melted into or rubbing A control wire. You're gonna have to take your time and trace every wire you can touch. Start by pulling the headlight fuse and then turn the lights on (obviously the lights won't come on) and see if the car dies.
 
Probably needed the battery too if the alternator is bad, however the new one should still be fine. That said, the dim lights usually point to weak battery. Battery could be weak because of a poor ground or short that is draining it. Fords have a bad habit of burning up wiring harnesses in the engine bay.
 
I would try some holy water in the radiator and hanging a cross from the mirror. If that doesn't work I has some steel core
AK ammo I will give you.


So, my car is possessed.


I crank my car. It starts just fine. Turn on the headlights, and everything goes dead. It will not crank with the headlight switch left on. While it is running, the windshield wipers actuate randomly on their own. Once, even turning on the a/c killed the engine. The a/c thing only happened once, but the headlights kill it every time, without fail. I guess it's an electrical issue, but have no idea what to do/ where to start. Anyone have a similar experience, or ever heard of such a thing????

If it's pertinent, the car is a 98 Ford Contour.
 
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