Raising a boy..

[Traderjohn]

Here's what you need to remember: You get what you reinforce. What you ignore dies.

With respect to learning to your son learning to say "no," during these "terrible twos," remember that you want him to have enough gumption to say no when someone asks him to do something stupid a few years down the road. I'm not saying that you will never have to use punishment, 'cause there are times when you can't think of anything better to do. Just use it sparingly. Reinforce the behavior you want instead.

I found that both work well.
Wrong = discipline
Right = no discipline
Exceptional = praise/reward

Kids shouldn't grow up to expect to always be complimented/rewarded for doing things right.

Oh, Johnny you didn't break out any windows today, here's a cookie. I ain't thinking so.

 

[drjterrell]

I found that both work well.
Wrong = discipline
Right = no discipline
Exceptional = praise/reward

Kids shouldn't grow up to expect to always be complimented/rewarded for doing things right.

Oh, Johnny you didn't break out any windows today, here's a cookie. I ain't thinking so.

Your answer is ridiculous. No one here ever said to reward someone for not breaking a window, or a rule for that matter. We'd all do a lot better if we were regularly appreciated for doing things right. Rewards shouldn't be reserved for exceptional performance. Think about your work for crying out loud. We all want to be noticed for doing the right things! Respect your kid for doing the right thing and you'll have far fewer times when you'll have to punish him for doing the wrong thing.

 

[NY63]

Your answer is ridiculous. No one here ever said to reward someone for not breaking a window, or a rule for that matter. We'd all do a lot better if we were regularly appreciated for doing things right. Rewards shouldn't be reserved for exceptional performance. Think about your work for crying out loud. We all want to be noticed for doing the right things! Respect your kid for doing the right thing and you'll have far fewer times when you'll have to punish him for doing the wrong thing.

My son broke a car side mirror once. He owned up to it. His punishment? He worked off the cost of replacement. It's like I told him, I did a lot worse when I was a kid.

 

[Traderjohn]

Your answer is ridiculous. No one here ever said to reward someone for not breaking a window, or a rule for that matter. We'd all do a lot better if we were regularly appreciated for doing things right. Rewards shouldn't be reserved for exceptional performance. Think about your work for crying out loud. We all want to be noticed for doing the right things! Respect your kid for doing the right thing and you'll have far fewer times when you'll have to punish him for doing the wrong thing.

That's the problem with this ENTITLEMENT crowd today, they want to be praised for doing what is expected.

You will be rewarded doing the right thing; paycheck, no butt whooping, respected by others, no jail time.

If you treat kids like they are retarded, then that's usually the result.

 

[roundhouse]

As others have said. You gotta be consistent and sometimes creative

My son kept trying to stick stuff in the electric outlets

After me watching and telling him no a dozen times.
Alright. It ain't gonna kill him . So instead of telling him no the seventh time I just sat back and watched him stick a nail in the socket

And was there to comfort him when he got a jolt

It will get better
We taught our son sign language when he was really young
they can learn it much easier and faster that leading to speak and talk

I'd also move the coffee table. Clear out some space ,Put a belt around my shoulders just under my armpit (otherwise he just hang onto your shirt collar and choke you) and play bullrider

I'd crawl over to the sofa do he could climb on and he'd yell "ding ding !"

And I'd try to buck him off
We had soft carpet so I wasn't worried about him getting hurt

If it was a sibling or another kid who knocked him down that hard he'd probably cry. But since he was having fun it doesn't hurt
I'd do everymanover I could think of to make him fall off.
And he did , always. Sometimes he'd hit the floor hard and I'd be worried about an injury. But he was up and grinning in no time We do it all over again till I was exhausted


Sometimes they just want attention
So you might try just ignoring the things that you dont want him to do and see if that works

But you have to be consistent and both parents have to be consistent and if you disagree with what the other parent just did. Do it in private so the kid doesn't have any thoughts that divide and conquer will work with parents

If they don't wanna eat all their dinner. Fine by me. That just means no dessert and later when they want a snack I just retrieve the uneaten portion from the fridge


Taking certain toys or privelidges away works better than spanking for some kids

No TV for the rest of the day.
No cookies

If you disobey me or mom again today. That trip to the pool we have planned on Saturday is cancelled
Etc

 

[hummer]

their minds are like little sponges,they only learn what you allow to a certain point!!!educate,morals,values,primal skills to make it in life is what they need to know to survive in life!!!

 

[emortensen]

My now 19 year old son had been pushing my buttons since he was probably 5. He basically did his own thing not caring about consequences. Lots of butt spankings, timeouts, standing in corners, no tv time, no toys in his room (none), not going out to play with friends, no special things to do, losing new Christmas/birthday toys, etc... He went to his own beat and did not care who he hurt our who he upset. Mom, dad, sister, teacher, principal(stole her ipod), grandma, aunt, uncle, grandpa, it did not matter. Never passed a grade in school, high school drop out. I spent many days having parent teacher conferences, many phone calls trying to talk some sense into him, many nights coming home having arguments, many nights in bad moods! He somehow has now managed to keep his job for over a year and has gotten some raises. It was brutal raising him and his older sister who was bad in her own ways as well, I was no where near a pain in the ass like they were. He still has some issues at home and they can escalate very fast as he is stubborn and not caring to what we say. I have wrestled him for fun in his older years and showed him who's boss, so I don't think he wants to go there but I can sometimes tell he is thinking about it. Away from home he is a model adult until he gets very comfortable with whoever and arguments can happen with them as well. So I have learned that you can only do so much to raise your child or teach them about life. If they don't listen and don't care, it's going to be a rocky road ahead! Best of luck and hope he smartens up!

 

[Traderjohn]

19 and still at home? Could there have been some enabling along the way?
How much time did he spend in jail for stealing the Ipod?

It's real simple. My way or the Highway, and he'd be paying rent.
Ain't nothing in this life free.

 

[emortensen]

Enabling traderjohn? Great arm chair quarterbacking! How is there any enabling when he grew up nothing compared to everyone else's kid. Did you read where I said there were many nights we had arguments? It was like a daily occurrence! He only had a bed in his room, a few toys, and a bike. Bored out of his mind most of the time, only because of his own doing. It's easy to say my way or the highway, and I did. Just turned 19 a month ago and is paying cheap rent. He paid off his car loan with grandpa and bought his first video game at 18( never had one growing up). Understand why he stole an ipod in 6th grade and was expelled from school but only had 3 weeks left till summer and then going on to 7th. He doesn't drink, do drugs, and doesn't hang out with the wrong crowd. Unlike his older sister who was booted at 19 because she did drink, do drugs, hung out with the wrong crowd, but got her GED. She is now learning the hard way and at 22 hopefully she will grow up. She just got her first job ever at 21, so maybe she will right the ship. I'm sure there are plenty of kids who got honor role and were all stars in sports, but now they are doing drugs and stealing as adults. Basically no one knows how their kids are going to turn out and I thought I was giving a good example of how crappy these like tikes can be growing up. They are your kids and you have to fight to guide them the right way but it is ultimately up to them on how they turn out. They are a reflection of their parents but in no way did we enable anything! No drinking, no smoking, and no drugs here!

 

[GeauxLSU]

emortensen... I have identical twin first cousins. Raised in the same house by the same parents. It's incredible how differently they turned out.
Giving all our effort, time and love is about the most we can do as parents. Sounds like you did it.