Is my life harder than yours.?

[OnlyThe$trong$urvive]

I hate to talk about it on this website but this is one of my few places were I actually find it comfortable to socialize. everyone in life I have met hey its probably thought I look like the happiest guy on earth. Always smiling listening and willing to help someone out. but all my life on the inside all I've felt was deep depression & pain. I am only 21 years so I know I am young. when I was born I had a stroke, which lead me to cerebral palsy and ever since the day I was born the left side of my body has been slightly paralyzed.I can not straight my left arm and have week balance on my left leg growing up I wore leg braces an arm braces and went to physical therapy to try to build my strength. I grew up in Oakland California around a lot as individuals that like to make fun of my disability. It kept me down an out of sight most of my life because I was always worried about the next guy who would call me crippled around a group of fine looking girls and make them laugh at me while I was thinking of a way for them to like me without knowing about my this dis ability. I took karate and boxing classes kind of as a therapy because my father did those. I had a feel friends back home finish school in GA. went to college for a little while but couldn't find the motivation to finish. I am never comfortable for some reason and I believe it is because the way I was born. but I just want to learn had to express myself & be myself in any situation. I have always tried to solve all my problems on my own and I always had a problem asking people to help me. I've always figured out a way for self to do it. myself because I don't want people to find me Out. there's a lot of women like me because I have great looks add never know have to express myself I be came that way after I broke up with my ex girlfrieND for cheating who I thought love me for me but that was just a nother dream of mine. I am not asking anyone to feel sorry for me, but maybe something like some Big Brother advice on how I can motivate myself and quit being so antisocial I do not want to see a therapist or anything. I just want to learn how to be myself in front of anyone. had thoughts of hurting myself when I was younger but the more I did therapy is and exercise it says I see that it could get better and thought I might be able to heal myself to a normal person. but it's impossible. so I am learning to deal with myself and have to express my feelings to people. the only thing I have a passion for is Guns and family those are for sure to make me happy. any other time I am thinking why am I like this and what do I do to make myself really happy because I am kind of getting tired of this half smile on the outside but this horrible pain on the inside. I'll choose to start here so do you guys think ? please excuse any typos (auto correct) I really appreciate your time

 

[HarmsWay]

Dont dismiss therapy so fast. It doesn't mean you have to talk to a doctor. I take counsel at the moment also & it is nothing to be against. The man I speak with is very smart and is a youth pastor. I would never talk to any doctor. It seems to me you need to accept yourself for who you are. You were dealt this hand for a reason & it is up to you to make good or bad out of it. There are many stories out there with people that have it bad and turn it into so much more. Take the guy that was in a motorcycle accident & he can no longer use his legs anymore. He became a better person and quit wasting his life on getting drunk & partying all the time. He found a wife going though his therapy and learned the importance of life. He also learned to dance for her at the wedding in his wheelchair You never know if you were dealt another hand then it could have been harder for you. Would you rather be the guy that cares nothing for anyone?

 

[clever name]

Damn man. Sounds like you've had a tough one. EVERYONE gets down sometime. Don't let the smiles on other peoples face fool you. They may be better at hiding stuff than you are, important thing is not to focus on everyone else so much, spend some time focusing on you. Stay strong and close to family. Don't quit. Don't give up.

 

[Laxguy59]

I am not asking anyone to feel sorry for me, but maybe something like some Big Brother advice on how I can motivate myself and quit being so antisocial I do not want to see a therapist or anything. I just want to learn how to be myself in front of anyone. had thoughts of hurting myself when I was younger but the more I did therapy is and exercise it says I see that it could get better and thought I might be able to heal myself to a normal person. but it's impossible. so I am learning to deal with myself and have to express my feelings to people. the only thing I have a passion for is Guns and family those are for sure to make me happy. any other time I am thinking why am I like this and what do I do to make myself really happy because I am kind of getting tired of this half smile on the outside but this horrible pain on the inside. I'll choose to start here so do you guys think ? please excuse any typos (auto correct) I really appreciate your time

A. Therapy is not something to be ashamed of or avoid, they don't tell you what to do or tell you you're weird, they just help you find your own issues by letting you guide yourself there.

B. Also get a real DGAF attitude about what people think and do what makes you happy, get ready for rejection(everyone gets alot of it), and take every opportunity you have to get out and see other people.

C. Try a dating website, if you are honest on it and give people a chance in person you will either have alot of fun or entertainment meeting people, or you will meet someone special.

Honestly, therapy is seriously cool though, its crazy when a therapist reveals to you the origin of some of your actions, behaviors, and personalities. I haven't been to one, but I've seen and heard stories of it done (GF is geting her psych M.S. this May).

 

[Gatdaddy]

well i cant say much but this

at a young age lost both of my parents to hiv. was lucky to not get it from birth , also had loving grandparents who took me in as a young child and raised me right , i looked to them as they were my parents cause they raised me..
a few years back my grandfather died due to cancer , i took it pretty hard .. started doing things i should not have done and using things i should not use.. lost my job , girlfriend at the time , my friends saw what road i was on and kinda helped me though along with my grandmother who till this day is still hurting from all the medical stuff she has to go though , it hurts me to see her like that everyday.. well my wife just found out that she has bladder cancer , i have a hard time sleeping and or staying asleep , she cant eat half of the stuff we have due to treatments and meds , my grandmother is getting worse , we cant afford all the meds my wife needs and insurance wont cover them cause (they aren't necessary ) what a load of s#&%... and in the middle of all of this i still wake up everyday and say why am i even here? then i put a smile on my face and take the day on head first..

the point to all of this is that no matter how hard life may be , you cant give up ..

my grandfather always told me this .. i know life threw you a curve ball , but next time it does knock it out of the park and show life that you can do whatever you want to do. i know it sounds corny but its true..

all i can say brother is to stay strong and fight for what you want in life cause it dont come easy , remember the ones that love you , pray for the ones that hate you and believe in yourself.

i wish you the best , i really do , i hope you get whatever answer you may be looking for in life and keep your head up, you will be in my prayers .. i hope that i have helped in some way.

even thought i dont know you if you ever need to talk feel free to pm me i check my email all the time..

 

[YOUNG GUNS]

What does'nt kill you makes you stronger. Keep your head up man!

 

[Lynn2216]

My son in law broke his back in Central America back in the 80's repelling from a Blackhawk. his disability is pain and he's lives with GOD awful pain. The VA put a spinal infusion pump sending medicine directly to his spinal fluid to treat the pain. Since becoming disabled people have under estimated him greatly. They think someone with a disability is to be pitied but I think most people with disabilities are stronger because of it. My son in law, he's the son I never had, has earned 2 more black belts since becoming disabled. they told him he'd never walk again but that guy can take off running or plant a foot udside someones head. He's in pain but he drives on.

Don't under estimate yourself or get too down. Depression and love comes and goes in lfe and nobody can feel your pain but you but you'll get over both and be a better man for it. . You've got your whole life ahead of you with endless possibilities. Just make thre right choices for you and be the best man you can be.

 

[blakejohn]

I type a whole deal about my experiences but then it just sounded like babble.

Any ways, the posts above me said it better than I could.

 

[OnlyThe$trong$urvive]

Thanks you guys IM am going to try therapy out. Now that I think about it if physical therapy is what I needed to make my body stronger man maybe verbal therapy will fully build my confidence. Laxguy I think.I am to nice to people and they take my kindness for weakness . I will stop and develop that attitude towards negativity.clever name I will input that strong advise and patch it to mind. Really made me feel kind of better.

 

[nbarnett]

BRO, Your mindset is already on the right track! You are wanting to make your life better, hence why you are even sharing this with us, your ODT family. Your screen name said it right, only the strong survive, and you wouldn't have made it this far if you weren't a strong minded individual. I wish you the best, Venting on the ODT and asking for advice from this family is a good start to a new page in your life, but you've got to speak with someone in person. My thoughts and prayers will be with you!

Stay strong!
-Nick