These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website
These are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great
sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins! For those that don't know King's Cross is the red light district of Sydney.
_________________________________________________
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on
TV, how do the plants grow?
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad
tracks?
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a
list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ?
A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ?
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not
… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings
Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Which direction is North in Australia ?
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we’ll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ?
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do…
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule?
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ?
A: You are a British politician, right?
____________________________ ______________________
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense
rattlesnake serum.
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget
its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees.
A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you
Go out walking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia ?
A: Anywhere significant numbers of mugs gather, try King's Cross.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
is smaller than the male population?
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
__________________________________________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ?
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?
A: Que?
These are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great
sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins! For those that don't know King's Cross is the red light district of Sydney.
_________________________________________________
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on
TV, how do the plants grow?
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad
tracks?
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a
list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ?
A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ?
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not
… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings
Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Which direction is North in Australia ?
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we’ll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ?
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do…
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule?
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ?
A: You are a British politician, right?
____________________________ ______________________
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense
rattlesnake serum.
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget
its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees.
A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you
Go out walking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia ?
A: Anywhere significant numbers of mugs gather, try King's Cross.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population
is smaller than the male population?
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
__________________________________________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ?
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?
A: Que?
Last edited:
