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To all the Dads advice needed.

Any idea what the source of his aggression is? Does biological father interact with him in a way that created a bad example? Does he play violent or profane video games? Get him off the meds and find some Christian based counseling. Have you talked with your youth pastor? There are a number of anti-med Christian psychologists around. And there are boat load of churches in GA. I’m praying for you and the family.
 
The genetic part I can relate to because I'm dealing with all three of my grown children having parts of my mother's manic depression and it's everybody else but me syndrome, there's no simple answer you're going to have to go deep and seek some help but it sounds like the young man might be incredibly intelligent and talented he just needs to be challenged in the right direction what that direction is I don't know I still struggle with the idiosyncrasies of all three of mine that came from my mother.
That being said if it makes any sense don't give up it's very hard we have been through hell ourselves with all three of ours and are still going through crap everyday or every week unfortunately it's just part of being a parent the bad part.
 
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The most difficult and frustrating thing about being a parent is, it is all done on OJT (on the job training) and you’re never quite certain you’ve done the right thing until usually too far down the road and there’s no "do-overs"....all four of mine are adult now 28-43 and turned out ok...though we went through a season of drug addiction with one....but thank the Lord we’ve reached the "other side" with that....

There are a lot of dynamics that go into parenting.... especially with step parenting and from comments it seems like you are reasonably on-track.... DNA plays a big role in who we are and our character traits....saw that with my sister's oldest that never had contact with his bio dad after about 4 but shared same temperaments, attitudes, demeanor and even body english....the rest of who we are is a result of environment.... as a child moves into adolescence, they start pushing against the boundaries and limits.... I encourage you to hold the line firmly in that arena because that is their "security" or guard rail in life. Hold them accountable for their actions and choices when they step outside the limits and make certain they know and understand the consequences beforehand....carry out punishment (reasonable and fair) in a "matter-of-fact" manner absent of displays of anger and emotion... make certain the child understands you love them unconditionally, regardless of their mistakes.... it’s beneficial to make every attempt at working as a team with teachers and school admins so that his life is as "seamless" as possible... I would recommend you try not to have an adversarial relationship with teachers....your son will recognize that and see it as license to ignore the teacher's authority... make certain that if he gets in trouble at school there will be follow up consequences at home as well... I would not tolerate that unruly type of behavior or leave the school with no support from the home front. You have unity with your wife....have unity with school too and anyone else that shares any authority in his life.

My oldest son got a speeding ticket at 16...when I went to court with him for that, I told him afterward I didn’t anticipate he would get another ticket but laid out the rules that if it (by chance) should happen again, he would loose his driving privileges and dad would revoke his license for 12 months.... three months went by and one night he came home with watery eyes and handed me his license and the accompanying speeding citation because he "knew" dad meant what he said.... parenting is difficult! He was mom's assistant in driving his siblings to ball practice and other places.... mom was not very happy with me either because it made life more difficult for her but if THAT'S what it takes, then, that is what it takes.... I think I already said but, parenting is difficult....

Hope that offers some ideas and encouragement for you.... feel free to PM if you want to discuss anything off forum....

Hold the line...stand firm....stand tall....don’t give in....

JJ


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I was a bad kid...I was very bored in school. have him tested for placement in a gifted program...I bet he is bored AF. I used to throw desks to get sent to ISS so I could just do my days work then read a book...school even in the 80's and 90's was super dumbed down...can't imagine it now. was a lot better in a gifted program. they will at least keep him engaged.


EDIT: I don't have kids or want them...but my brother in law is 17(father in law started a new fam late...)...I am 41. seen this **** in action.
 
Have you tried martial arts? My kid has been in it for three years. He doesn't have issues, but I've seen some kids that came in wild and were tamed fairly quickly. When peers are serious about discipline and wanting to learn and grow, they won't put up with crap from other kids.

So true. I went this route and so did both my boys. Builds confidence and self esteem....key ingredients for a great life with the added benefit of never having to cower to a bully.
 
Be patient with him and keep doing what your doing. At that age I was also a complete ****head and No fault of my parents. 6-8th grade was tough times for me, just thought I had something to prove I guess. By High school I leveled out and rarely got in much trouble. I do believe keeping them busy with sports, hunting, fishing really anything so they don’t have time to get in trouble!!

I’m new to the father thing, another 10 years I will probably be asking ODT the same thing.
 
Perhaps a diet change?

The ketogenic diet has shown improvements in child behavior, mood and learning disorders.

Low carb, 0 sugars and whole foods has done wonders for my anxiety, sleep issues and overall wellbeing plus there are many parents that have seen the benefits in their children mentally, physically and emotionally.

Whatever route you choose I pray it helps.
 
Honestly he has a great home life. We’ve put him in every sport he’s ever wanted to try we still eat dinner together as a family every night at the dinner table. Throw the ball with him.. all the normal family/dad stuff. Honestly it’s truly painful because I love being a dad and having a barrier that hinders it is difficult. Very hard to teach a kid who doesn’t Listen or even have the desire to listen
Always leave most of your time with out that barrier, it’s important that they feel you believe in them.
Remember it’s not personal. Keep trying different things until something clicks.
Eventually it gets better or it’s a complete life style for them, I’ve had both ways. Raised two steps, and three Grandchildren.
 
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