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This Joke is too Close to Home huh?

My coworker had a builder adding a extension, and his five year old daughter decided to help. The builders gave her little jobs to do to make her feel part of the team.
At the end of the week she was presented with her 'wage packet', which consisted of $2 in small change. Her father took her to the bank to open an account with the money and she duly handed it over to the cashier.
The cashier asked how she had earned the money and she said she was helping Steve, Big Harry and Wayne build an extension.
"Wonderful." said the cashier, " and will you be helping them next week too."
She said, " I will if those wankers from Jewsons deliver the ****ing bricks on time."
 
Ever had your wife "find" a gift card? Now this will be on your mind forever.

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A simplified urine test that may be relevant for at least some men...
Go outside & pee in the garden..If ants gather : Diabetes..
If you pee on your feet : Prostate..
If it smells like a barbecue : Cholesterol..
If when you shake it, your wrist hurts : Osteoarthritis..
If you return to the house with your penis still outside your pants..: Alzheimer's..
 
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast.
At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?'
Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!'
They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?'
'I lied about my age', Bob replies.
'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'
Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'
 
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