Dads wisdom...

[Jblue]

"Never try to kiss a snake"
"If it has teeth, don't be shocked if it bites you"
"I'll keel-haul you"
"It's a long walk back to the house" - acting up in public.
"If you could get your head and your a$$ wired up you'd realize youre walking backwards"
"Don't make your mother say that at your funeral" - when we were doing stupid stuff; usually involving minibikes or fire.

 

[clockerman]

Two of my favorites:

"she's as purdy as a rooster with socks on."
"he's as sharp as a three cornered rat turd."

 

[Trailrider]

My dad's favorite, and one I try follow to this day as much as possible: "If you want something done right, do it yourself".

 

[Bennyboy]

“Wouldn’t take a million for you but wouldn’t give a nickel for one just like you.”

“You could tear up an anvil with a banana.”

“Boy, I can take you out of this world and make another just like you”.

 

[Barbwire]

When I comes to messing around with an employee

"Boy, don't stick your pecker in the cash register."

 

[Foxtrot Sierra]

Don't hardly talk much with him anymore, but here are some of my favorites:

"Work smarter, not harder. "
"Don't waste time studying the things you already know."
"Study long, study wrong." (same message)
"It takes time to do it right... but longer if you do it wrong."
"Don't ever start a fight, but be ready to finish it."
"Put want in one hand and s*** in the other, and see which one weighs more."
"If you think you can, you can... if you think you can't, you're right."
"I do what I do so you don't have to."
When I was tired, thinking of stopping, etc. - "Somewhere out there, there is someone practicing/studying/working, and one day you'll meet him and he'll beat you."
"You have one job in this family, and that's to get a good education... one day, when you're standing there with your degree and your job, if you can truthfully tell me that it wasn't worth it, I will apologize for pushing you so hard." (that day never came)

and my favorite...

"One day you're going to be standing here (points to the ground beneath his feet) and your son/daughter is going to be standing there (points to where I'm standing) and you're going to be having this same conversation."

Man, was he right... and I've found myself using these more than a few times with my own children.

 

[mcdougmd]

How you doing today “Fat and sassy but mostly fat.”

 

[Flatblack79]

"Gimme a 9/16 wrench and hold that light steady"
"No good deed goes unpunished"
"will yall quit!?"

Some of the best would get me banned from ODT if i tried to share.